Blessings in Struggle: My submission for Zach & Jody at CreativeLIVE

Click the link below to view my video submission for the Zach and Jody workshop at CreativeLIVE:
Fizzah's Submission for Zach & Jody at CreativeLIVE

The story behind it all…

Welcome 2012. A new year full of fresh starts and new beginnings. 2011 was a complete surprise. What I honestly thought was going to be the crappiest and most difficult year to date turned out to be a year filled with so many blessings. Here’s what went down:

At the beginning of January 2011 I found myself back at square one on so many levels. I found myself single again and on the verge of quitting my eight year teaching career. Teaching is a very emotional and personal job. Somewhere in those eight years as an inner city school teacher, I had begun attaching my self worth to my success as a teacher.I loved my job and I especially loved my students. I have always felt so proud of my students and how hard they work, despite the daily struggles they face. Teaching for me went beyond a whiteboard and a classroom. I strove to be a mentor to my students and have always worked hard at developing a relationship with them…keeping in touch even after they graduate, encouraging them to pursue their dreams, and occasionally writing a letter of recommendation.

About three years ago, I began to feel the beginnings of teacher burnout. It had a lot to do with the working conditions, change in leadership and a continuing pressure on teachers to focus on data and numbers rather than critical thinking and problem solving skills. It always seemed that we worked so hard and were always seen as so ineffective. Besides not ever feeling financially stable, I always felt unsure whether I would have a job the next year because it seemed there were always layoff notices being sent out. It is around that time that I decided to find an outlet. I chose photography. Photography has always been interesting to me and I’ve always wanted to study it. But timing and finances were never really available when I was younger. While teaching I began taking night classes and soon found myself hooked. I realized I was spending hours in my day thinking about photography, lighting, posing. I read every book I could get my hands on, every video I could watch.

Two years later I decided to slowly launch a wedding and portrait business, part time. Eventually I hoped to go full time with my craft. But for that I needed to save and get into a good financial position. I was thinking 2013. Things don’t always go how we plan it though 🙂 and sometimes it works out better than we could have imagined it.

For the 2010-2011 school year I made the choice to leave the school I had been teaching at for 7 years and follow my principal to a brand new facility about ten blocks down. We were all so excited about the potential of this new school. I’m not sure how I made it those six months to December. It was the hardest teaching year I’ve ever had, first year included. Among the many structural problems within the leadership, the larger issues were lack of organization and support for teachers. Though it was also inner city, I had never felt unsafe at my last school. For the first time, I felt on edge walking through the halls…even in my own classroom. I had students that blatantly violated school rules, cussed me out in front of others, threatened me, threw chairs, ran out of the room…you name it. And I wasn’t the only one. Of course we all met and tried to get administration on board to help us resolve this but it seemed we were on our own. Morale went down quickly because it was suddenly apparent that no one in leadership cared about the teachers. I saw the most positive seasoned teachers have breakdowns. I literally cried on my drive home three times a week at least out of pure frustration. I literally stopped sleeping and instead spent my time sending out resumes. I started experiencing heart palpitations and other health issues.

My breaking point came one day when I was sent another student who had assaulted a teacher and a secretary earlier in the week. He had also been written up by school police for the assault. We were tolerating violence against our staff. I sent the student back down and refused to let him into my class. By placing that student in my class I felt that I was putting myself and my students in danger. As it was, I didn’t feel like I could turn my back in my own classroom. This was the last straw for me. In response, my administrator proceeded to deny the assault charges and guilt me into letting the student in. He felt that I was depriving this student of his right to an education. I asked where was my right to safe working conditions and insisted that if the student was let in, they could call a substitute for the rest of the day. We work so hard to create a safe atmosphere for our students in our schools and classrooms because we know that unless they feel safe, they cannot concentrate on learning. What about the teachers? How can we teach without that same sense of safety?

When January came around, I tried every day for a week to get myself to go in to work. I just couldn’t. Each time I got ready and made it to the door, I felt anxiety like I’ve never felt before. Through the love and support of my mom and my dear friends, I took an extended stress leave from work. It gave me the time to think things out and step back and evaluate my life. I realized that this was no longer the direction I wanted my life to go in. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive and I didn’t have a real plan…this all just happened really. But I made the decision to quit my job and put my faith in God. I felt like this was an opportunity being handed to me. I was at a crossroads and I chose to set aside my fears and follow my own path no matter how crazy or scary it seemed. And I decided to no longer define my self worth based on my job or other people. I decided that I would define my self worth on my values, morals and life experiences.

Later in the year, I decided to move forward with my love life. I had never had the courage to create an online profile before and had always somehow managed to meet people more naturally. But this was the year of resetting things and of trying new paths. I never in my life thought I’d meet someone as amazing as Ronnie. He is far better than the best I could imagine. He’s been the love I’ve waited for. I’ve experienced so much struggle and heartache before him…and I would do it all over again just to find him again. Everything just felt so easy between us…it all fell into place so easily and though it may have seemed fast-paced to others, I felt like we just floated through it all. In September 2011, we had our nikah, or commitment ceremony.

We are now full circle, a full year later and in five days, Ronnie and I will have our wedding reception and I will officially move to South San Francisco to begin a new chapter in my life. Newlyweds, new city and new business. 2011 was a surprise and I can’t wait to see what 2012 holds in store for us.

Zach and Jody’s workshop could easily be the defining factor that helps me establish a strong foundation in my first year of business in SF. I am a photographer because I love being able to capture a moment in time forever. But I am a business owner because I want to craft my own lifestyle. I want to be able to work to live and not live to work. Zach and Jody have incorporated that balance into their lives and have managed to create a highly successful business. Who could be better to learn from than a couple that’s already accomplished what I’m still striving for?